The Essential Report Archive Read the latest report

The Doddcast: Canberra Report 28th June

28 Jun 2010

“He must be sacked”.

“We must send a group of former factions to see him and tell him that if he doesn’t change the game plan – then he has to go.”

“This team is meant to embody the spirit of our nation and the performance we’ve put in is not only unpopular but it’s a disgrace to our whole nation,” he said.

“You can’t blame the players, they didn’t have a plan that they believed in or even understood what it was.

“PM doesn’t understand us, he doesn’t understand our fighting spirit.

So said Craig Foster. Well almost. I changed the word ‘captain’ to ‘faction’ and dropping the i in Pim.

Cause while there’s no ‘i’ in team – but there is certainly an M and an E. And, with a little re arranging, you can make the word ‘meat’ and that’s what he is. Political dead meat. In the space of a few football games, last week, our PM was given the treatment Fozzie would have loved to serve up to Pim.

What was served up was the PM’s head on a platter. From a 10PM press conference, he was gone by 9.30 the next morning. It was as though the German’s did it, the PM was removed with such brutal speed and efficiency. And yet:
“Yet who would have thought the old man would have so much blub in him”.
Kevin Rudd’s final press conference, before he zipped, was a blubby mess. There were tears that the party had dumped him, and tears of unacceptance. Tears of not fitting in.

Even the word blub had a Fraudian quality, as though a small fraile boy stood before the nation’s cameras scolding himself for “blubbing” showed the strange place the nation’s leadership had descended to. One cabinet minister reported not receiving a call from Rudd in three years. It seems odd for someone who seemed to crave acceptance that he didn’t make friends with his colleagues.

But after that display of human wreckage wrought on by the ALP, we move on with a new PM.

And you thought the coup was cold? According to Sam Maiden in the Aus today, Rudd and all his staffers went home and got crazy pissed at the lodge and while Rudd threw himself in the pool, fully clothed. That would have been cold in Canberra’s winter.

While I don’t know what Kevin’s up to this week, it looks like he won’t be back in Cabinet. Here’s what I hope. I hope he becomes Prime Minister of the remote control. I hope he stays at home, doesn’t take trackpants off for a week, and watches all 5 series of the Wire, and cops some afternoon delight from Therese. Without actually removing the trackies.

And I guess that’s a good launching point for what will be being covered this week.

Parliament doesn’t sit again to until Aug 24, if at all before the election. Gillard told Kerry that he won’t be missing his Christmas leave, so we know we are going soon.

The issues for the week, one would imagine, will be the population/asylum seekers debate, a political resolution for the RSPT and the start of a community consensus on climate change, whatever that means.

QANDA tonight will be interesting, hosted by Verjazzle Trioli, Bill Shorten making his first public appearance since being seen in a Kingston restaurant sharpening knives and making out like a telemarketer. He’ll be joined by Harold Mitchell, who no doubt will miss the back of the ad spend put down by the miners and the gov, Barnaby Joyce – whom I witnessed snort an entire cheese platter at a Canberra function last week.

Aden Ridgeway is at National Press Club this week – no doubt giving Mark Arbib a chance to talk about the “Earn, Learn Legend” program that saw Aboriginal kids doing work experience through the big house last week.

And with Arbib’s job, for now, we are all NSW.

If you happen to be in Canberra this week, there’s a truffle exhibition at The Grand Hyatt. Everyone loves truffles.

Adrian Dodd, Senior Communications Consultant, EMC